I used to be the biggest loser
I never could do anything right
I wet the bed till I was fourteen
Could never hold my own in a fight
But suddenly everything got changed
My whole life story rearranged
And all my friends they think that I'm deranged
But they don't understand the godly powers that I've gained

I got Photoshop and I can't stop
I just copy/paste then I drag and drop
And everything in my life seems so much better
Oh that fateful day at Comp USA
I was picking up a copy of GTA
And they were having a two for one special if you bought em' together

I got all A's on my report card
At least the one I showed my Dad
And here's a note from Cameron Diaz
Saying I'm the best she's ever had
I got the girl of my dreams
To finally break up with Eugene
When she saw those pictures so obscene of
Eugie all tied up in bed with with her dear old Aunt Eileen

I got Photoshop and I can't stop
I just copy/paste then I drag and drop
And everything in my life seems so much better
Making fake IDs now is such a breeze
Just a couple clicks and I